The Art of Letting Go: How to Release the Past and Embrace a Sober Future

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”

• Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

For countless people in recovery from alcohol or drug addiction, the past only serves as a painful reminder of the trials and tribulations they’ve been through. The past can stand as a mirror, projecting back at us an image we don’t like seeing.

This is what makes letting go of the past paramount to developing a brighter future.

We look at how  the past can haunt a person, lulling them into a false sense of security that shackles them before they arrive at the emotional milestones needed for newfound sobriety.

What makes the past so painful?

Some people are lucky enough to move on after a painful experience easily. Some have a natural capacity for remaining unfazed by an experience that would shake us to our core, but for most people, letting go of the past is a skill they have learned, crafted and honed.

If we were to think about the reasons why our past experiences are so important to us, we can state with confidence that the lessons we learn in the past help keep us safe today. We learn as children that raising our hand to a fire burns, so we naturally associate touching a flame with pain and we learn to stay safe by avoiding it.

These lessons we learn provide us with safety and help us reduce risks in future experiences. Experiential learning becomes a kind of armour against being hurt again, or a tool for improving our physical and mental health.

Yet, when the feeling of safety starts to dominate our daily life and exerts control over the decisions we make, we develop a “comfort zone” or a space where we only stick to the actions we know. We dread stepping out of this comfort zone because past experiences tell us it’s safer to stay where we are.

Addiction can thrive in this space. When we remain in our comfort zone because we’re scared of risks that can cause guilt or shame, substances can feel like a low-risk escape. We might convince ourselves that taking this substance is the only way I can experience pleasure anymore.

Yet this is completely untrue. The past can certainly serve to protect us in some ways, but when it anchors us into a state of fear, we must work to recognise that it is us who grasp so tightly to these shackles. Then, we can start to let go.

The hidden dangers of holding on if you have an addiction

Now we’ve outlined the most straightforward way that the past can become a sharp and barbed object to hold on to, because it helps us to stay safe, in our comfort zone. This applies to almost all aspects of our lives, stopping us from making positive changes in our personal or professional lives.

More specifically, to drug or alcohol addiction, the past can become a toxic object of affection. There are many hidden, more subtle dangers for a person who is addicted and cannot let go of the past. These include:

• It keeps trauma unaddressed: For an addicted person who has experienced a lot of trauma or “adverse childhood experiences” (ACEs), holding onto the past may limit the ability to address and eventually resolve trauma. Research tragically shows how people with ACEs are more likely to become addicted, with 6 or more ACEs making people live an average of 20 years less than those without ACEs. Without preparing to “let go” of some aspects of the trauma that fuel addiction, recovery chances grow slimmer.
• It keeps the addiction narrative alive: Many of us fall into the trap of convincing ourselves that our past defines us. We drill negative, recurring thoughts like “I’ll always be an addict” or “I am beyond repair,” when this is not the case. Recurring negative thoughts that stem from past experiences can be fatalistic in the long run.
• It can trigger relapse: Guilt, shame and regret are some of the most common feelings we attach to our past experiences. We use these feelings as a justification to continue using a substance for comfort, even after we’ve made significant strides to stop taking it. Holding on too tightly to the past can make a person crave emotional or physical relief from overwhelming feelings, causing cravings and urges to relapse.
• It fuels isolation and secrecy: One of the most common yet tragic barriers that stops people from completing recovery is the tendency to seek comfort in isolation, loneliness and secrecy. If a person feels shame about their past, they might find it harder to be honest about what they’re struggling with. This can cut a person off from the support networks that are essential for complete recovery.

Steps to take towards letting go

Letting go of your past can be one of the most emotionally distressing processes you ever go through. If you’re recovering from drug or alcohol addiction, these steps may help you gently realise what’s behind you for a more hopeful and brighter tomorrow:

Where can I get help for my addiction?

The pain we feel from the past can echo and reverberate around our mind, when what we need is silence, peace and tranquillity. It’s not always possible to drown out the past to start your recovery journey. At times like these, know that we are here for you. You are not alone.

At UKAT, we understand how guilt and unresolved trauma can keep a person stuck in a cage that stops them from recovering. Our specialised rehab and treatment programmes include expert-led therapy to help you gently release what’s weighing you down. We help you clear the mental space needed to develop a healthier life, and ongoing aftercare keeps you on the path to complete recovery.

Whether you’re starting the recovery journey or you’re battling long-term cravings and urges, the help you need may be only a phone call away. Contact us today to step into a brighter, healthier future free from the confines of addiction.