How to help an addict or alcoholic

It’s hard watching someone you love struggle with drink or drugs. Shame, denial and fear can make it difficult for them to open up, and even starting a conversation about their drinking or drug use can feel impossible.

You might be here because you’ve searched for how to help someone with alcohol addiction or how to support someone with an addiction, looking for advice on what you can do. While you cannot make someone stop drinking or using drugs, friends and family can play an important role in helping a loved one recognise that they need support and access appropriate treatment.

It’s also important to remember that addiction is something a person experiences, not who they are. The language we use matters, but so does what we do: offering support without judgement, encouraging professional help and making sure you look after your own wellbeing along the way.

How to recognise the signs of addiction

Signs of addiction don’t always look dramatic, and there are many other things that can mimic early symptoms too. The first things you may not notice include missing work, skipping meals, falling behind on bills, or letting other responsibilities slide, but these are not the most definitive signs.

The clearest signs of alcoholism and the signs of drug addiction are mostly the same, whatever the substance. They include needing more and more to feel any effect, feeling shaky or unwell without a drink or dose, drinking or using more or for longer than planned, trying to cut down or stop but failing, hiding behaviour, carrying on despite problems, like an illness or concerned loved ones.

Why willpower and threats don’t work

Addiction changes how the brain makes decisions, which is why telling someone to simply stop or giving ultimatums rarely works. Helping someone with addiction starts with understanding that they’re not choosing this or not trying hard to change.

Regular drug or alcohol use builds a shortcut in the brain. It skips the part that normally weighs up a choice and goes straight to habit instead. Someone can only choose to stop if a conscious choice to drink or use drugs is actually being made. But by the time the shortcut fires, drinking or drug use is automatic.

How to have an effective conversation

In truth, there is no perfect time or place to have a conversation about addiction, but there are some bad times and places. Don’t bring it up when either of you is angry, or when they’ve been drinking or using recently. People rarely take things in well when they’re worked up or hungover or high.

Open with “I’ve noticed…” or “I’m worried…” with specific examples. These are called “I statements,” and they present concrete facts and observations, which are harder to dodge or defend against than accusations or general worries. Once you’ve said how you feel or what you’ve seen, listen to what they have to say.

In very rare cases, just having someone else point out drinking or drug issues can be enough to switch a light on. But in most cases, you should expect defensiveness or denial the first time. Don’t mistake this for a final answer. An early conversation, even an awkward one, helps more than putting it off, waiting for a crisis.

Supporting an addict without enabling them

Supporting an alcoholic or drug user can accidentally become enabling addiction. Many families do this because they’re understandably worried and just trying to help. There are many ways you can end up enabling, such as lying to friends and family about what’s going on, making an excuse to their boss so they don’t lose a job, quietly paying off money they owe, or taking on chores they’ve stopped doing. Each of these protects them from the cost of drug and alcohol use, so it breathes life into the addiction.

Setting boundaries with an addict means choosing your own limits instead, like refusing the next loan or no longer covering for them. Boundaries are designed to keep you safe and protect others in the house, but they can also provide the impetus someone needs to get help.

Staying safe when drink or drugs turn dangerous

Your own safety needs to come first, always. If someone becomes aggressive, frightening, reckless, or unpredictable because of drink or drugs, move somewhere safe right away. Contact the police if you’re not able to leave, and keep yourself as safe as possible until they arrive.

Overdosing on various substances can be dangerous and life-threatening. Symptoms of overdose can look a little different for different drugs, but you should call 999 if someone is unconscious, won’t wake up, has stopped breathing or is struggling to breathe, has blue lips or fingertips, or is having a seizure. Put them in the recovery position if they’re unconscious but still breathing, and stay with them until help arrives.

Sudden withdrawal can be as dangerous as using too much. Someone dependent on alcohol or benzodiazepines can be at real risk if they stop drinking or using suddenly. Other substances can be very dangerous too if someone stops for a while, tolerance drops, and they take the same dose again.

Safe detox needs to be planned and led by a doctor or a team like Liberty House, where symptoms can be managed and medication given if needed.

Getting them professional help for addiction

Once they’re ready to get help, the next step may be a GP appointment or contacting an addiction treatment service like Liberty House Clinic.

Treatment can vary a great deal, and no single programme suits everyone. Addiction treatment at Liberty House Clinic usually starts with medical detox to manage withdrawal safely, followed by residential alcohol rehab, with one-to-one and group therapy and aftercare support carrying on once formal treatment ends. We also provide support to families during rehab, with family therapy to help build bridges, educate on addiction and recovery, and create a safe and sober home environment.

The right treatment can depend on what they’re using, whether medically-assisted detox is needed, their general health, whether they have tried to quit before, and how much support there is at home.

As explained above, benzodiazepine and alcohol withdrawal need medical support because they are medically dangerous. Other drugs can be very hard to quit without professional assistance and raise the risk of overdose if there is a period of not using and then a relapse.

The best thing to do is to speak to a GP or a treatment service to discuss the right course of action.

Family support once treatment starts

Helping a loved one with addiction once they come home from treatment often means keeping daily life nice and steady, eating regular meals as a family, supporting a normal sleep pattern, and spending time together that isn’t about the addiction.

In terms of your own well-being, stay close to people who support you too. Groups like Al-Anon and Adfam offer family support for addiction. These meetings introduce you to other people going through similar things so you can share advice and stories, and support each other through the highs and lows.

The final decision belongs to them

In the end, helping someone doesn’t mean doing their recovery for them. The decision to get help and make a real change is ultimately their alone. What you can do is encourage them, hear them out without judgement, offer practical support, and help them find their way to treatment when they’re ready.

Getting help for addiction tends to go better the earlier it starts. If you’re worried about someone today, Liberty House Clinic can help you decide how best to approach and support them.